Just South of Knowing Why
by SunWillRise2340
Summary: If I could be granted one wish, it would be this; to see the sun before I die. Well, correction. Before they kill me.
1. Creature of Blood and Night

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Crystal leans forward, her light brown eyes boring into his dark ones.

"Yes," he grinds out, staring her down.

In response she holds out her hand; he grasps it quickly. Her eyes snap shut; he can feel her inside his mind.

"Her name's Feather Brownstone," Crystal says slowly. He feels a thrill go through him. _Finally. I finally know her name, after waiting all these years._ "She's in prison."

He sits bolt upright, severing the connection. "What did you just say?"

Crystal turns to her soulfinder, his younger brother, Xav, who, unusually, has been silent throughout this whole exchange. "I knew he would take it like this," she murmurs. Vick glares at her.

"Vick, listen. Just because she's in prison, doesn't mean she's all bad," Xav slips an arm around Crystal's waist. "For all you know, she's been wrongly accused."

"Where?" he demands, ignoring Xav. Xav who has a soulfinder, who's had her for almost a year now, while he's been all alone, wondering who she is, not wanting to bother Crystal. Allowing all his brothers to find happiness while he tortures himself with thoughts of a future just out of reach.

"Afghanistan," Crystal sighs. "You didn't give me long enough to find out where."

"Thank you, Crystal," Vick nods curtly, standing up and leaving the room.

Xav whistles. "Well, that went well."

* * *

If I could be granted one wish, it would be this; to see the sun before I die. Well, correction. Before they kill me. Because it can't be long now.

Most people are scared of death. Not me. I would welcome it with open arms, a release from the torture. The beatings, the rape. The screams of the other prisoners. But worst of all, the darkness.

My mother once said I was a girl of sunlight and warmth. Not now.

Now, I'm a creature of darkness and pain, blood and night. Endless night.

But for all the agony, they can't make me talk. I sealed my lips a long time ago, and nothing will open them. Nothing.

In my world of uncertainty, that's the one thing I'm sure of.

Silence.

* * *

**A/N I'm sorry for taking down Fix a Heart, I really am - but I couldn't see it going anywhere, and this is a vaguely similar idea.**

**By the way, the people (1st person, 3rd person) are a little messed up. It's okay, that's what it's meant to be like! :)**


	2. Goodbye Loneliness

Silence means no-one gets hurt.

It's not silent today.

I hunch against the wall, knees drawn up to my chest. My hair is limp and greasy. But I'm beyond caring.

Everything hurts today. My eyes. My face. My arms, my neck, my head, my legs, my back…the list goes on and on, forever and ever and ever.

The door grates open, the sound sharp in my ears. Piercing them.

"Hello, sweetheart."

Nasally voice. Smell of cheap curry and sweat. _Him. _

I drop my head into my knees, feeling myself flicker.

_He _swears. "Don't do that, you bitch."

I don't antagonize the guards; I become visible again. Antagonizing leads to pain.

I learnt that early on.

I don't know what makes me so special – why I can become invisible. My mother knew. So did my step-father. They told me to accept it – that it is part of who I am. The part that was beautiful and kind and loved.

I don't even know what it feels like to be loved anymore.

* * *

He hugs his family goodbye. His mother. His six brothers and their six soulfinders. His father. "Stay safe, son," his father whispers.

"I'm expecting another daughter when you come back," his mother teases, her light tone disguising the worry evident in her face and eyes.

"I know," he says. "I know, and I'll bring her back."

"Promise?" Sky, the youngest of the soulfinders asks.

"I promise, Sky. Take care of yourself. Say hi to the new baby for me." This last to his oldest brother and his oldest brother's wife, whose baby bump is so large she finds it difficult to walk.

"We will," Trace says. "Good luck."

He carries all these messages through the gate with him, onto the plane, feeling more buoyant with every step he takes. _Goodbye loneliness, _he thinks to himself as the ground gets smaller and smaller beneath him. _You were a good companion, but all good things must come to an end. _


	3. Powerless

There are no rules to this place.

Guards come in at all times of the day and night to hit you, beat you, hurt you, take you.

And you're powerless to stop them.

I tried to stop them once. Well, _him. _I scraped my nails down his cheek, tried to bite him. But he was stronger than me. And it hurt even more than it should have. My pride as well as my body.

And once your pride's gone, you have nothing left to live for.

At least, that's what Grandpapa used to say.

* * *

The first thing that hits him is the heat. And then the dust, swirling up with the wind.

He's never been anywhere this hot in his entire life. Stepping out of the airport, he finds a man waiting with a sign. "Agent Victor Benedict?" he asks, in near-perfect English.

"Yes," Vick replies.

"I am the assistant to the Brigadier General of Police in Kabul. You will come with me." As if remembering his manners, he suddenly smiles a white-toothed smile. "Welcome to Afghanistan."


	4. Stories of Fairytale Endings

"You are here from American FBI with information about Taliban-run prison in the Hindu KushMountains."

"Yes, sir," Vick says smartly, trying not to stare at the man's curling white moustache. _He looks the part of a Brigadier for sure. _

"You have details?" the old man raises an eyebrow. "For no details is a plan."

"I think you mean if we have no details we cannot produce a plan," the assistant interjects, darting a glance at Vick. "I'm very sorry, Agent Benedict, he hasn't been learning English very long."

"Not long," the Brigadier replies, nodding.

"You speak well, though, sir" Vick compliments the man, who puffs up with pride.

"I am fast learner," he says, taking the folder out of Vick's hands and opening it. With a cursory glance through the contents, he closes it again and hands it to his assistant. "My assistant will look you through in more detail."

"Of course, sir," Vick says. Recognising a dismissal, he turns to go.

"The most luck to you. A force may belong to you to order," the Brigadier General says.

"Thank you, sir," Vick shuts the door behind him.

* * *

My mother and step-father used to tell me a story.

About a princess, and a prince.

They were born at the exact same time, on different sides of the world.

One day, the princess was taken away from her family by an evil dragon that breathed fire.

She was very alone, and very scared.

But the prince came and rescued her.

And they rode away into the sunset.

The princess was me.

And the prince was my soulfinder.

My perfect match.


	5. Missing Persons

"How do you know about this prison?" the assistant asks when they are settled in his office with mugs of strong black coffee. A luxury here, it seems.

"The army heard rumours of it, sent for an agent to investigate," Vick lies. He can't very well tell the man that his soul mate is incarcerated there, and his soon-to-be sister-in-law found her by following his soulfinder link.

The assistant shakes his head. "An awful thing – Taliban run, probably."

Vick decides to probe slightly, find out why they have decided to accept him to help run the mission, when one of their own could have done it just as well. "Has there been anything else going on, recently?"

"People have been going missing," the assistant admits. "It's been all over the papers – a leading female medical professor was taken two weeks ago. A young boy a month ago. And of course, there's the case of Feather Brownstone – a girl of nineteen from this very city. She went out to a protest and never came back."

"How long ago?" Vick feels his heart thumping in his chest, his head spinning. Feather Brownstone. _Her. _His soul mate.

"Five years. She'd be twenty four by now, but common sources believe that she's dead."

Twenty four, twenty four. About to turn twenty-five. Because that's how old he is, and he knows she's the same age as him. Five years in captivity. How he longs to drive up there and take her away, sweep her away, and make sure she's never hurt again. Because he knows from records that the Taliban torture their prisoners.

Suddenly the red hot rage his overtaken by a cool white clarity. The other missing persons, the ones the assistant is talking about, they must be in the same place as his Feather.

But he can't tell anyone that he knows. Not yet, at least.


	6. Five Years

My mother was English. And my father was a drunkard.

I grew up in a flat in the middle of London.

Mother was a nurse. Father drank all our money.

Then Mother met her soulfinder. Behnam Durani. They took me away, to Afghanistan.

A hot and beautiful place. Behnam loved me like his own daughter. He loved my mother.

He is a good man.

I have two half-siblings. I love them. But they'll be grown up now.

Won't they?

* * *

"We have a plan," his voice echoes down the phone. The whole family is rapt, silent. "And we've received the thumbs-up from the higher tier – apparently he has to approve everything before it's done, and thankfully, it's done."

"You will be safe?" Karla frets.

"Mom, its fine. Honestly. They're not expecting us – they won't have time to put up a fight."

"How long has she been in there?" Sky voices the question they've all been dying to know.

When Vick answers, his voice is full of pain and anger. "Five years."


	7. Shards of Light

The door opens. Shard of white light, shattering on the floor like a diamond.

My sight is blurring. I can feel myself flickering. In and out, in and out.

A man that I've never seen before crouches in front of me. I hiss, jerking backwards.

"It's alright," his voice is soft, gentle. Gentle is shocking. I haven't heard it in so long. "I won't hurt you. I'll never hurt you."

Confusion. Spots dance across my eyes, in blue, purple and green.

_I'm your soulfinder. _

His voice echoes in my head like a sweetest harmony I've ever heard.

Soulfinder, my soulfinder.

At last.

* * *

Her arms cling around his neck; he holds her close, relishing the feel of her body against his. Though her fragility frightens him. One wrong move and she could break. Then where would he be?

In the ambulance, she refuses to let go of him. So he sits with her on his lap, her gingery hair spread across his shoulder. Her icy-blue eyes stare into his and he's coming home.


	8. Silent Love

She wakes screaming from nightmares. The sound jerks him out of his uneasy slumber in the hospital chair. In an instant he is by her side, rubbing her back, kissing her shorn hair. "It's alright, little bird, it's alright. Don't cry; you're fine. I've got you."

Her family comes to visit first thing the next day. A woman with the same hair and brown eyes, a handsome Afghan man. Two little girls and a little boy with dark skin, all holding hands.

"Who are you?" they ask. "What are you doing here?"

When he tells them, her mother starts crying, and hugs him tightly to her. He would feel uncomfortable, but for the fact his own mother reacts like this every single time. He's used to it.

"I knew you were out there, I knew it," she sobs.

"Thank you for saving her," the step-father says in heavily accented English. "We thought she was gone, no-one could find her."

"I'd do it all over again to keep her safe," he vows, the fierceness in his voice making her mother smile and blink back another round of tears.

The children, Rosie, Leilah and Fahran, crowd the bed, touching their older sister's hands, her hair. "Wake up, Feather," they plead. "We love you. Wake up."

* * *

She never talks. Not to her family, not to him.

It hurts them, he can tell, but he knows the trauma she's been through.

The doctors say she might never speak again.

He doesn't care. He'll love her all the same.

Unconditionally and irrevocably, she's burrowed into his heart, and she'll stay there until his dying breath leaves his body.

"I love you," he whispers to her sleeping form. "I know it's crazy, and I know I haven't known you long, but I love you."


	9. The Way My Life Will Be

A month and a half later, she is dismissed, still skinny, still silent. She doesn't try to hide the scars on her head, her face, her body. But she clings to his hand like a lifeline, never letting it go.

"Are you sure you want to go back to America with him?" her mother asks worriedly, as she fusses around, packing all the new clothes and the old memories.

She nods, pulls a piece of paper towards her from where she's sitting at the kitchen table. _I'd follow him anywhere, _she writes. These are the first words she's given in five years. Her mother starts crying again.

* * *

The plane is terrifying.

I hold Vick's hand as tightly as I can whilst we board.

"It's alright, darling," he whispers. "Nothing's going to happen, I promise."

There are too many people. I can feel the stares in the back of my head, the confused, frightened stares.

I'm glad when we sit down. Comfortable leather seats, the most luxury I've seen for years.

Once we're airborne, I curl up against Vick's warmth, my head on his chest, his arms wound carefully around me. I can feel the tickle of his hair on my neck. I'd never seen a man with long hair until I met him.

* * *

"We're airborne, now, and on the way," Vick whispers into his phone.

"Why are you whispering?" Trace sounds confused and tired.

"Feather's asleep. I don't want to disturb her," Vick explains, gently touching one of the healing scars on his soulfinder's head. "She hasn't been sleeping well recently."

"Neither have Diamond or I," Trace grumbles.

"How is little Clare Isabella Benedict doing?" Vick smiles. "I can't wait to meet her."

"Last night was her first time sleeping through the night, hence the sleepiness on both our parts. But she's beautiful, and generally a really good baby according to the midwife."

"Congrats." Now that he's found Feather, Vick is feeling far less left out than he was, far happier for the good fortune of his brothers.

"What time do you two want picking up?" Trace asks.

"About eleven o'clock, if that's okay?" Vick checks his watch. "And could you possibly phone ahead and ask the family to tone down the welcome a little? Feather's extremely reserved."

"Still not talking?" he can hear the sympathy in his brother's voice.

"Yes, but that's alright. She generally writes what she wants to say now."

"She can't even telepath?" Trace sound surprised.

"Doesn't like it. I don't mind – she can have all the time in the world to recover."

"You've turned into a softie already," Trace teases. "Ah, shit, Clarey's started crying again – I told Diamond she could sleep in. I'll see you later, then."

"Good luck," Vick ends the call, carefully slipping his phone into his pocket and replacing his arm around Feather.

* * *

I wake up to the hum of engines, and warm arms wrapped around me. _This is what my life is going to be from now on._

The thought makes a small smile tug at the corners of my mouth. The first smile that's crossed my face in five years.

"You're smiling," his voice is husky from sleep.

I pull a pen out of his pocket and write on his hand. _I know. _

He doesn't press why, just kisses the top of my head. Warmth spreads through me. Is this what it feels like to be loved?

_How long until we get there? _I write. He laughs.

"That tickles. About three hours, I think."

_Tell me about your family. _

He's more than happy to oblige. "Including us, there are sixteen – Mom, Dad, six brothers and six soulfinders."

_That's a lot of love. _I scribble. He smiles. "I know – I was incredibly lucky to grow up the way I did."

_What are their names? _I'm curious – curious for the first time in as long as I can remember.

"Well Mom and Dad are Karla and Saul. Trace is the eldest. He's a cop in Denver, and he's married to Diamond. They have a new daughter called Clare, who was born a month ago. Uriel is the second eldest – he's also married to his soulfinder – she's called Moa. Will and Aloisa are together, so are Xav and Crystal. Crystal's the one who helped me find you, by the way. Yves and Phee are married and Zed and Sky are together. I've bored you, haven't I?"

He smiles as I shake my head. This is an entire new world, where people are together for love. Because my mother and step-father were the exception, not the rule.

Too many people were married by their parents. Too many of my friends married to violent older men who only saw them as baby-making machines.

I have been so lucky.


	10. Pink and White

"Vick, over here!" the shout startles me – I give an involuntary squeak. Vick pulls me close into his side.

"It's alright, baby," he says softly. "Just my brother."

Taking me by the hand, we walk slowly towards a couple standing next to a silver car. I didn't know cars were so pretty these days, all sleek and shiny.

I have a lot of catching up to do.

The woman holds a bundle in her arms; a bundle that squeaks and moves. A baby.

Vick and the unknown man are hugging each other tightly, pounding each other on the back. The woman smiles reassuringly at me. Her whole figure radiates peace.

"Hello," she says quietly. "I'm Diamond. You must be Feather."

I nod, slowly, warily. I must be careful around these strangers, in case they become like the guards at the prison. I must be careful.

"Yes, this is Feather," Vick puts his arm around my shoulders, comforting me. "Feather, this is my brother Trace, and his wife Diamond, then their daughter Clare."

I stare at them each, one at a time. They look so together, a healthy, happy family unit. Like mine was. Until they took me away.

Trace is tall and built. Brown hair, brown eyes. Handsome. Kind. Smiling.

Diamond is beautiful. Like a picture of an Egyptian queen I saw in school.

The baby, Clare, is a pink face among white blankets. Tiny. Delicate. Fragile.

I'm scared.

* * *

Vick's soulfinder is nothing like Diamond imagined her. She thought the girl would be beautiful; warm skinned and dark haired. Happy, pretty, perfect. Just like Vick deserves. But this girl – she's like a ghost. Thin and pale, adhered to Vick's side like he's the only person she trusts.

But she can see the love in his eyes when he looks at her.

If Diamond is honest with herself, she would say that she is wary of Feather, even though her heart goes out to the poor girl who endured so much. She doesn't like the look of fear as Feather glanced at her precious baby. She doesn't like the alarm in the girl's eyes; the alarm that only subsides when Vick is near her.

She doesn't trust her. As much as she would like to, she just can't. And that won't change.


	11. Tainted

Vick's mother is a round bundle of energy. Smiling constantly.

She hugs Vick as hard as she can, even though he's at least two feet taller than her. Then she pulls me into a gentle hug.

I immediately stiffen, but she smells of cinnamon and warm bread and the smell is so comforting that I can't help myself. I start to cry.

In an instant, I'm back in Vick's arms and he's holding me, hugging me. The rest of the family stand still on the porch, frozen.

"What's the matter, Feather?" he whispers in my ear. "Sshh, baby, don't cry. It's alright. It's alright."

I can't open my mouth, can't tell him that his mother reminds me of all the good things in life, the good things like love and happiness. I can't tell him that I'm too weak to meet someone so good when I've been tainted by so many bad things.

I can't tell him that I'm afraid.

* * *

She cries for a good fifteen minutes, held in Vick's arms. He can't even bring himself to be irritated – she's been through so much, and hasn't had time to properly break down and let it all out.

After she's finished, he lifts her up, carries her inside. Sky is waiting just inside the doorway, blonde hair spilling over her shoulders.

"Are you alright?" she asks Feather tentatively. Vick summons a smile. Sky's always been his favourite of his brothers' soulfinders.

Feather nods slowly.

"I'm Sky. Nice to meet you," Sky holds out her dainty little hand, and Feather shakes it, managing a weak smile.

"Karla's got a cup of tea ready, and Phee and I made biscuits," she continues. "I hope you like chocolate chip cookies…" she trails off.

"Thanks, Sky," Vick sets Feather on her feet. "Mom's tea is the best, Feather, I promise. Though I've never tried Sky's cookies before…" he smirks.

"Victor Benedict, they are perfectly delicious thank you," another girl opens the door opposite them. "And they're not just Sky's, they're mine too."

"This is Phee," Vick says, tone more exasperated now. "Phee, meet Feather."

Phee's sassy tone evaporates as she approaches Feather. "How you doing? Come on, the rest are dying to meet you."

She takes Feather's hand, and leads her into the kitchen.

"Well, that was easy," Sky comments after a few seconds. "I'd better go and rein Zed in, you know what he's like."

* * *

Tall is the first word that enters my mind. Tall and dark.

Well, the boys anyway. In any other place, they would look menacing, but among the bright, old fashioned kitchen, holding mugs and biscuits, they look homely. Sweet.

Phee pulls out a chair for me, pushing me gently into it. Vick's mother places a mug of tea – well, I think it is tea – and a biscuit on a plate in front of me.

"There you go, sweetie," she says, somewhat cautiously.

I don't have a pen, or I'd apologise for my hysterics earlier.

Phee perches on the table next to me. "You haven't properly met everyone yet," she says. Then, taking a deep breath, she rattles off, "Trace, Diamond, Clare, Will, Aloisa, Uriel, Moa, Xav, Crystal, Yves, Zed, Sky, Saul and Karla," her finger pointing to each one in turn.

I smile carefully, dipping my head, reassured when they all smile back. This isn't as bad as I thought it would be.


	12. Haunted Eyes

"And this is my room," Vick says, opening the door. I look around, curious.

The walls are painted medium green – it's been so long since I've seen anything so green. Apart from the pine forest outside the window, and that's a darker green. Scarier.

Vick sits down on his bed – a red, white and black checked cover on it. I sit next to him, wincing at the sudden ache in my legs. "Mom's going to have fun feeding you up," he remarks, putting an arm around my shoulders.

At that, tears start pooling in my eyes again. He turns to me, pulls me into his arms again. "Sorry, that was careless."

Reassured by his apology, I let the sobs spill out, my thin shoulders shaking uncontrollably. He doesn't say anything more, just lets me cry, stroking the ends of hair that is left on my head.

* * *

I stand in front of the mirror, staring at myself.

Grotesque. I am grotesque. Skinny, ugly, scarred.

Shorn red hair. Bits of it longer than others.

Haunted blue eyes.

They did this to me. Just because I tried to stand up for what is right.


	13. Snow Angel

She cries herself to sleep every night. And it's breaking his heart. He wishes there was some way to stop the pain, some way to help her, but he knows he can't. She's carrying this burden inside her, and it's eating up her very soul. Unless she lets go, she'll never recover.

In the daytime, she has started to relax around the family – even with her silence. She eats everything Karla puts in front of her, listens intently whenever Xav and Zed are arguing about snow-sports. She lets Sky paint her toenails, pick out clothes and cut her hair more evenly. She allows Phee to teach her to cook, Crystal to draw and Moa to play the guitar.

But he knows that none of this is helping. She's been here a month, and the poison is still inside her, still hurting with every step she takes towards her new future. And he doesn't know what to do.

* * *

Vick insists that the fresh air will do me good. Even if I think it's too cold to be away from the log fire in the sitting room for even a minute.

He holds my hand as we walk, deeper into the snow covered woods. I've only ever seen snow once before. On my way _there. _

On the Afghan mountains it is harsh and inhospitable. Here, it's beautiful. Especially with the man next to me twirling me around and talking about some accident Zed and Sky encountered when they were first up here.

I've heard Zed talking, actually – about how Vick used to be withdrawn and quiet, almost always at work. I've heard Xav teasing his older brother about becoming a softie, until Trace tells him to lay off.

But to me, Vick is Vick, and I don't care who he was before he rescued me. I'm just the lucky one who gets to spend my life with him, that's all.

* * *

Her smile is the widest he's seen in such a long time. It warms his heart to see her like this.

"Have you ever made a snow angel?" he asks. She shakes her head. "Come on then."

He falls backwards into the deep snow. There is a crack, and he lies still.

Her scream echoes off the mountains.

* * *

**A/N I'm so sorry. It had to be done.**


End file.
